I always knew who Liz Thornton was. Everyone does. She arguably is one of the most well known, well liked senior at Wake Forest university. Walking with her through the quad is a great way at making anyone feel as if they know no one on campus. I started counting the “Hi Liz” “Liz what’s up!” “Liz let's hang out later” as we walked from Grammar class to the library. I was trying to pester her about her life, but every time someone would interrupt. “Wow you literally know everyone on this campus” I had said half jokingly to her, slowly becoming self conscious of my own social status at Wake as I became aware of how huge Liz’s social circle was. “Oh no I don’t.” She responded. Clearly that was a blatant lie, but Liz is just like that. She is humble, genuine, social, and always there to listen to others talk about their problems, but if you ever try to talk about her she is hesitant. This is not a criticism of her, it is just...her. You could talk to Liz for 5 hours and realize all you have talked about is yourself. One day when I was supposed to be interviewing her we spent the first 30 minutes talking about me.  I suddenly paused, confused as to how this “interview” turned into my own personal therapy session and Liz had become my therapist.  I had only really known Liz for a month but she already knew more about who I was than some of my life long friends. It’s not that she prys, she just exudes a certain sense of trust. Like you can tell her anything and she will give you a level headed honest opinion. 

 

For no one in my life 
is going to have made me as strong
as you will.
                                                                            -Liz Thornton

​

As college Freshman embark on their journey to a new school majority face the unknown with a hopeful outlook. This is good. A fresh start. I can finally be the person I want to be. The word fresh-man becomes quite literal. Everyone hopes to finally be the person they weren’t allowed to be in highschool. Those first couple of months everyone is so self-aware of their every movement, every interaction. The self-induced social anxiety at Wake Forest University is at an all-time high first semester of freshman year.  Do they think I am weird? Who is cool? Who is not? What sorority should I join? Should I even join one? Normal worries for college Freshman, and Liz Thornton was not immune to these worries.  

“When I decided to come to college I wanted to go somewhere that I didn’t know anybody and a place I could start over”

But sure enough life never goes as one plans. October of Liz’s Freshman year she would experience her first seizure. She would wake up on the floor in the middle of the Wake Forest dining hall. Students surrounding her. Is she ok? Where is the ambulance? No idea where she was, what had happened to her.

 

I was nineteen when you found me. 
Supposed to be learning how to be responsible, not
unresponsive. Conscientious, 
not unconscious. Reading Voltaire, and Shakespeare,
not MRI’s, EEG’s and where to put what wire. 
Learning the difference between weed and ecstasy, 
not Keppra and Lamichtal

A Seizure; a sudden attack of illness. 

 so you begin,
taking over my body like
Cancer.

​

“1 in 26 people have epilepsy in America”. Liz had told me one day. I was dumbfounded. What if Liz suddenly had a seizure, would I even know what to do? No. And the fact that 1 in 26 people suffer from epilepsy, and I still wouldn’t know what to do. I am not the only one though. Liz has had multiple seizures now, and people more often than not do not know what to do. “Someone tried to shove a pencil down my mouth” Liz kinda laughed. Is it scary having to trust other people to know what to do when you are seizing?  I had asked her thinking about how I would react if someone tried to shove a pencil down my throat when I was unconscious. “Well I am incredibly lucky where I get auras before my seizures” An aura is a certain discomfort one feels before experiencing a seizure. Lucky? Sure. But that is just how Liz is, twisting everything in her life to a positive.

​

Liz had a culturally very different upbringing compared to the other students at Wake Forest. She grew up in Tokyo, Japan. While her culturally diverse background has made Liz a more open-minded, and empathetic person it’s clear she feels conflicted internally based on who she was in Tokyo, who she is now, and who she is with her family. The Japanese community taught her to be very private so when she learned of her epilepsy it was hard for her to open up about it.  Liz refrained from telling anyone, even her parents about what she was going through. “I had never been that girl”. That girl? What I think what Liz was trying to say was she had always been the well-rounded independent girl who had it all together. But her seizures left her in the control of others, which was extremely difficult for someone like Liz. Liz helps others, but when it comes to others repaying the favor she struggles with it.  

 

there they are, holding on to me for dear life,
telling me over and over again,
as they stroke my shaking body,
“You’re going to be alright.”
Only, I don’t hear them.
I never do.

​

       It was October of Liz’s freshman year in the middle of the pit that she had her very first seizure. All she can remember from it was waking up and people surrounding her. “It wasn’t really helpful for my popularity...haha no I’m just kidding.” I don’t know if she was kidding. I mean everyone is feeling the social pressure that first semester of college, and to have a seizure in such a public place? I don’t know how I would feel. Wake Forest is a small school, and people love to talk. It wasn’t quick until everyone knew about Liz having a seizure. “People began to treat me differently as if I had a contagious disease.”  Unfortunately the seizures continued frequently. One in her dorm room, north pit, farrell, working as a ref of intramural sports. Overall, she had about a dozen seizures in an 18 month period. A dozen instances she blacked out. A dozen instances she had to rely on others to protect her. A dozen instances she had to deal with the emotionally exhausting after effects. Are you ever embarrassed afterwards?  With zero hesitation she replied “Always...Always”.  But you can’t help it I tried to say. Unfortunately a lot of people have a stigma associated to epilepsy. Liz couldn’t stand knowing everyone was talking in hush voices about her. Someone even once told her to “be careful of the lights” as she entered a party.

    

Friendships morphed into acquaintances,
family secrets developed, potential
love turned its head the moment it learned
of you

​

Because of her culturally different upbringing Liz didn’t tell her parents about her seizures. Instead of living a normal freshman year she was in and out of the hospital trying to determine what was wrong. As a freshman I called my parents everyday first semester. I would cry to them about being homesick, about trivial problems like getting a cold the week I had a test. Meanwhile Liz was going through all of this on her own. She was on a heart monitor for 2 months, and was in and out of the doctors for 6-7 months before she was told she had epilepsy. She never got any confirmation of what was going on for 7 months.  While her parents had no idea, everyone at Wake knew. 

“Once everyone found out they started giving their own input.”
Some told her to take a semester off, others told her to stop going out. People took Liz’s problem as their own, and felt entitled to give their own opinion. Or so that is how Liz took it. But hallmates, like Eliza, struggled to let Liz deal with it on her own.  

“I just worried for her you know? Like while all of us were going out, and adjusting to our new lives Liz was trying to deal with some serious medical issues without anyones help.”    

Another one of her freshman year hallmates Matt Rickards recalls the time he witnessed one of her seizures.
 

“Yeah like I remember one time I saw her in the kitchen and I just knew she was about to have a seizure. It was some scary stuff. No one should have to deal with that alone, but I think that is just how Liz is, very independent.”   

Talking to her past freshman year hallmates it was clear they really cared, as everyone does about Liz. She is one of the most liked people at Wake Forest. But from Liz’s perspective people just didn’t handle her situation correctly. It’s like when someone has just told you they have cancer. What do you say? What do they want to hear? How should you act from that point forward ? Obviously there is not one answer, as everyone is different, but there are certain ways to handle situations and college freshman sometimes don’t have the maturity yet. Liz realized she needed to open up, something so against her nature.

“It was really disappointing because people never react in the way that I need them to react. All I really want people to do is ask questions, and be curious about.” 

As she said this to me I immediately recalled the time Liz first told me about her epilepsy. It was only about a month ago.  I was in grammar class and she hadn’t shown up one day, so I sent her a text asking where she was. “I had a seizure yesterday so I feel like shit right now.” I responded with “Oh my gosh, I am so sorry let me know if you need anything.” I was shocked. All this time I thought I knew Liz, yet I failed to know she had epilepsy? The thing is I am not the only friend of Liz’s who was unaware of her epilepsy. Jordan Long, a friend of Liz’s had witnessed the seizure, but he too had no idea she had epilepsy. 

“I didn’t know what to do besides just getting help and laying her down without hitting her head too hard”

 I imagined myself in that situation, would I have known what to do? Definitely not. But I never brought Liz’s epilepsy up again. I never asked her more about it, because honestly I felt uncomfortable. I had so many questions but I never bothered to find the answers. That is what Liz wants though. She wants people to ask more. She wants people to be educated about epilepsy. Because if we consider ourselves friends of Liz, shouldn’t we be expected to know how to handle a seizure? The problem is, opening up about her epilepsy wasn’t always easy for Liz.

   
My strength
you once swallowed, as magnified. You have your sword,
and next time, I’ll have mine.

​

It’s that cliche saying. The one everyone hates to hear. But I am gonna say it. Good things come from bad. Or that is what took Liz to open up about epilepsy. It was the end of Freshman year during finals week Liz experienced such a bad seizure she stopped breathing. She was rushed to the hospital, but no one showed up. Even her closest friends were too busy to visit. It was her boss, Robby, who visited and stayed with her overnight for 6 hours.  

 
“This was a random stranger, and I couldn’t even get my friends to come stay with me.”

 “Funny how the people you least expect are the ones who come through” I replied. 

“Yeah tell me about it”

It was Robby who helped Liz understand that her epilepsy isn’t a burden to anyone. He seemed shocked that none of her friends would take the time to visit Liz. He remembered how Liz was so thankful, but so apologetic to him because he was taking time from studying to visit her.  

“I just looked at her and said “ Liz stop. You are my friend. This isn’t your fault. You can’t control this and I am so sorry you have to deal with this, and you are so brave for dealing with this.”  

 
This turned everything around for Liz. Instead of feeling like an inconvenience for her friends, she realized she should expect her friends to be there for her. If anyone is going to be her friend they should know about her epilepsy. But not only that they should know what to do if she has a seizure. They should understand what causes her seizures. They should show up to the hospital regardless of how much work they have, because that is being a friend and everyone knows Liz would do the exact same thing in return. Ask anyone at Wake Forest University if Liz is a good friend, and without hesitation everyone will say yes.         
From then on rather than closing off about her epilepsy she started to spread awareness about it. To end the stigma. 

“I am not very good with talking about feelings, and me posting about it and spreading awareness about it goes against everything I am comfortable with.” 

After the seizure that made Liz stop breathing she recognized she needed to open up about how her epilepsy has affected her. She wrote up a poem about her epilepsy, and asked 30-40 of her closest friends to campus grounds to hear Liz recite the poem. Go big or go home right?  “It was the scariest thing I've ever done the poem might be ass but it doesn’t matter.” Liz shared the poem,  My boyfriend, Epilepsy, with me. For a girl who struggled to find the words to open up to people she sure knows how to write a moving poem. For her friends this helped them understand Liz so much more. 

 “As she started tearing up, I truly understood how strong Liz was. It was an incredible experience seeing Liz transform from struggling to even talk about epilepsy to being there as she confidently poured out her experiences”  

 This past November for epilepsy awareness month Liz made numerous social media posts about epilepsy and how to deal with seizures. “It is very simple to deal with. You protect their head, but don’t hold them down.  you make sure nothing is in their mouth, and if the seizure lasts longer than 5 minutes call for help.”  It is evident that while opening up for her is hard she recognizes that she has to in order to make sure she is safe if she were to have a seizure. But Liz has also learned to open up more about herself in general.  

 
After all, scars don’t form on the dying,
a scar means you’ve survived. My strength
you once swallowed, as magnified. You have your sword,
and next time, I’ll have mine. For one day, I’m going to thank you.

​

So while I always said I knew who Liz Thornton was, I didn’t really know know. To really know someone takes so much more than just a hi, and small talk here and there. By looking at Liz no one would ever know the journey she has been on. Sometimes it takes a little less talking about yourself, and little more asking about others in life to discover what makes them tick.  It’s all just a two way street.